Sunday, September 21, 2008

Hey Hey Hey!! Wats up fellow bloggers? so today is Sunday and what a beautiful Sunday it is!!!! It started at 5 A.M. I stayed up all night Saturday (until 5 A.M, to be specific) blogging, watching youtube videos, and posting reviews on Amazon under my secret identity. (my secret identity is Angela, which is my moms name. haha) so i was finally tired out and was settling down in bed with a good book, when i felt a sudden, sharp pain in one of areas where i had my wisdom teeth removed. it was such a huge jolt, i actually started shaking. the pain kept coming, aching and throbbing so much it felt like someone was trying to pound a dull nail through my gums into my skull. (sorry about that disturbing discription, but there really was no other way to describe it.) i immediatly ran to the kitchen for a pain pill, waking my mom on the way. i downed an ibuprofen and some over the counter stuff my oral surgeon had prescribed in hope of dulling the pain quickly. by this time, my tongue had actually started tingling and going numb. weird. The pain was unberable and relentless, so of course i panicked a little, though compared to my mom,  was calm as a cucumber. my mom immediately thought dry socket, an after effect of the surgery i went through. she was really panicking, so i put on a brave front, telling her it wasn't too bad and smiling, despite how i could feel a migraine coming on, thanks to the great pain. it was 5 A.M, so there wasnt much we could. i could tell my parents felt helpless, as did i. 

i was so thankful when the meds started to kick in. i fell asleep and woke at 12 p.m. i was groggy and had a headache, but i noticed, with great relief, that the pain was gone. i laughed with relief as i though back to a few hours earlier. man,  it sure felt nice to be outa of the crippling grasp of pain. 

well ok! thats it. today started off just dandy, and got even better as it progressed. my friend try to kill himself via overdose and im starting to feel the dizzying affects of taking too many painkillers at once. isnt that lovely? ugh, idk what im gonna do about my friend. ive tried so hard to make him happy. ive given him advice and kind words, ive stayed up into the wee hours of the morning trying to make him realize wat a good person he is, but to no avail. ive tried and tried and tried, but nothing. hes still as depressed as always. he says he tries, but i know he doesnt. if he tried, hed realize how his happiness affects us all, hed realize how lucky and talented and good he is. hed realize that hes loved, and hed realize that a million and one solutions besides suicide lay right in front of him. but no, all he sees is suicide, because that is what he wants to see. he wants to go and i cant help him. ive tried, but ive made no difference. he means so much to me and so much to so many other people, but all he sees is darkness. i hate myself for not being any help, and i hate myself for how tired i am. its so emotionally draining, to constantly worry about someone. i wish i was stronger. oh well. no use in kicking myself for being what i am. 

so yay!!!!! im sorry about how lame this post is. i do have good news though!!!! i finally bought Brisingr, the third book in the inheritance cycle, and i cant wait to really read it!!! boo-ya! im a litle bit stressed, because i have a geography quiz tomorow and i have to write a book review and a usless poll for the newspaper, but its also nice to contribute, so its all good. a little bit of stress is actually healthy. And coke was originally green. ok, im done with the useless facts, lol. il post later!!! 

Live for the moment, forget the past, because you never know how long the future may last. 

3 comments:

James said...

I am sorry about the pain. Sorry about the friend too. Maybe he is trying with the best tools he has, or maybe you should just give him a good slapping and just talk to him. You have tried, and you have made a difference. I am sure this person is better, it may just seem as though he is not. Maybe he is trying his best, but he just doesn't know what to do with his tools. Push him along, show him a little tough love. I am sorry though. Brisingir will be awesome!!!!!!

Allison said...

sigh i know how it is clarice not the pain of course id rather not know that

Ellie said...

OUCH! I feel bad 4 u!
~Ellie